Automaker Unveils Plan To Save Money By Charging More For Cars
By Sam Sideways: A mid-engined concept sends the motor industry into an exciting new era of fewer vehicles and larger invoices.
LOWER WOMBLEY, A German automaker has shown off a mid-engined supercar concept intended to sit above its usual sports car. Analysts said the company had found a promising way to improve its finances: make fewer vehicles, then charge rich people far more for each one.
The Mission S appeared at an event in New York as a preview of a possible production model. For several seconds, calculators nearby displayed “excellent.” The car did not move. Concepts rarely do. The paperwork around it began reproducing anyway.
“This is not a price increase,” said Clive Meringue, deputy director of Premium Arithmetic at the Bureau of Expensive Things. “It is a reduction in the number of people able to afford the same number of seats.”
“It is a reduction in the number of people able to afford the same number of seats.”
Each car would use carbon fibre, titanium and a narrow strip of unidentified material. Buyers would pay extra for the right not to know what it was. A pricier version would come with a glove compartment capable of judging the contents of your wallet.
The International Association of Unused Cupholders backed the proposal. Its members said they would no longer hold anything worth less than a small apartment. Spokesperson Sprocket Nine said cupholders had spent years dismissed as “mere storage” and now wanted dental coverage, a shorter working week and a ceremonial key to the ignition.
Then the price tag developed opinions. During a finance meeting, it objected to being described as a number, asked for a velvet chair and filed a 47-page complaint about discounts. Finance approved the complaint after learning it could be sold as an optional feature.
Economists in Lower Wombley said the approach would transform the wider economy, assuming nobody asked what happens after every car has been sold. The ministry’s newly sentient spreadsheet advised making one vehicle a year, calling it “the fleet,” and treating any unsold example as proof of overwhelming demand.
The long-term plan now calls for fewer cars, higher prices and a ceremonial waiting list overseen by a bored-looking raven. Investors welcomed the news. Several asked whether the raven would be offered in a performance trim.