Politics-ish
Governments, councils and committees doing their best, which is the problem.
Regulator Discovers Absolute Power, Immediately Demands The Moon’s Transfer Papers
After a real warning about Manchester City, a newly awakened office begins reviewing ownership documents for every football, moon and moderately large sandwich.
Queue At Public Office Applies For Permit To Become A Smaller Queue
Residents of Lower Wombley spent three days waiting for a ticket that would allow them to join a queue waiting for permission to leave the queue.
Town Hall Requires Permit Before Residents Can Notice New Bureaucracy
Officials say the new application process will simplify local government by adding seven offices, three queues and one ceremonial waiting room.
New Bradford Station Expected To Repair North By Thursday
A planned railway station has been asked to solve every transport problem in the north, including several that involve weather and goats.
Burnham Declares War On The Parking Ticket Empire
New rules let drivers challenge private charges, prompting a heroic campaign against the nation’s most vindictive machines.
Grid Inquiry Finds Nation’s Electricity Has Been Running On Kettle Abstinence
Investigators uncovered serious cultural issues, plus a secret national strategy based on nobody boiling water during hot weather.
Supermarket Installs Ministry Of Aisle Reconsideration After Shoppers Choose Wrong Cereal
The Lower Wombley Grocer has begun sending every purchase to a tiny cabinet for approval, delaying lunch by several ceremonial hours.
Cornish Devolution Enters Its Pasty Era As Longtime Champion Steps Down
After 29 years leading Mebyon Kernow, Dick Cole is leaving the post, prompting Cornwall’s paperwork to demand independence immediately.
Election Officials Ask Public to Wait While Democracy Completes Its Warm-Up
Some midterm races may take time to resolve, as counting advances at a speed best measured by geology.
Britain Wins Freedom To Watch Geopolitical Crises From A Comfortable Distance
A new thinktank paper says Britain may need to rejoin the EU, prompting ministers to defend the nation's sovereign right to do nothing alone.
Government Prepares Public For Joy Of Paying More For Less
As the 28 October Budget approaches, ministers reportedly hope voters will mistake reduced services for a premium tax experience.
Campaign Ads Reach $10 Billion, Declare War On The Skip Button
As voters cut back on groceries and gas, political adverts have reportedly begun demanding tribute in the form of attention.
Older Apprentices Hit With Luxury Training Surcharge
Ministers hope a 25% penalty on training over-25s will make youth apprenticeships look like the only affordable option.
Heathrow Third Runway Debate Promoted To Permanent National Weather System
Ministers back growth while the runway question enters an exciting new phase of consultation, paperwork and mild atmospheric humming.
Devolution Plan Escalates As Every Roundabout Demands Its Own Parliament
A speech on sharing power has inspired a government blueprint in which even traffic islands can legislate on ceremonial paving.
Cloned Number Plates Reportedly Living More Exciting Lives Than Their Owners
Innocent motorists say their cars are running red lights, while councils continue sending the vehicles their carefully curated consequences.
Britain Celebrates Being Allowed To Call Its Cars European Again
The UK has welcomed France dropping its opposition, provided Britain matches EU tariffs on Chinese electric vehicles.
Council Saves Estates After Office Reshuffle Accidentally Awakens Concrete
Two south London housing estates have survived demolition, prompting nearby paving slabs to demand union recognition and a ceremonial tea break.
Grid Pays Wind Farms £50m To Stop Working, Hires Gas Plants To Continue
Britain’s power system has reportedly discovered the benefits of paying one workforce to leave while recruiting another to do the same job.
Voters Unite Around One Simple Demand: Make The Servers Stop Humming
Backlash over America’s expanding AI data centres has crossed party lines, species lines and, briefly, the line into sentient office equipment.
Driving Test Queue Declares Independence After Waiting Time Falls To 19.7 Weeks
Officials hailed a historic improvement before the queue formed a government, appointed a minister and demanded its own parking space.
Britain’s China Policy Replaced By A Very Large Confused Panda
A report found a lack of expertise in Whitehall, prompting officials to outsource foreign policy to an animal that has never read a briefing.
400 Postal Workers Leave Weekly As Route System Applies For Parliament
A delivery experiment has become so confusing that the post now requires a constitutional settlement and three maps per envelope.
Delayed Train Declared A National Treasure After Refusing To Leave Platform
Passengers welcomed their indefinitely delayed service as patriotic public property, despite it having no timetable, destination or visible driver.