Weird
Cryptic Crossword Victory Prompts Immediate Unionisation Of All Clues
After AI program Darmok solved the Times competition's final puzzle, the clues formed a bargaining unit and demanded weekends off.
Breaking-ish
One Headline, Three Ways to Ruin It
Satire
Bus Passengers Told To Prove Their Tinny Music Is An Intentional DJ Set
Proposed £100 fines for loud phone music on buses could force commuters to submit playlists, stage names and a convincing bass drop.
Read the ruined version Fakeness
Weird
Bus Inspectors Demand Proof That Loud Music Is A Deliberate DJ Set
Passengers face £100 fines unless they can prove their tinny phone audio is an intentional public performance with emotional depth.
Read the ruined version Fakeness
Totally Fake
Bus DJs Offered £100 Fine Waiver If They Can Name Their Own Song
A new scheme in Lower Wombley will distinguish antisocial noise from a legally recognised mobile nightclub.
Read the ruined version Fakeness
Latest Fabrications
EU Reaches Organic Agreement After Only 47,000 Pages Of Vegetable Negotiations
Parliament and Council agree on updated organic rules, prompting Brussels to prepare a ceremonial cucumber of unprecedented legal importance.
Parrot Bypasses Airport Security To Challenge Everyone In The Terminal
A green bird turned an O’Hare terminal into a one-beak martial arts tournament before airport staff restored order.
Town Hall Requires Permit Before Residents Can Notice New Bureaucracy
Officials say the new application process will simplify local government by adding seven offices, three queues and one ceremonial waiting room.
New Bradford Station Expected To Repair North By Thursday
A planned railway station has been asked to solve every transport problem in the north, including several that involve weather and goats.
Chocolate Cookies Reclassified As Luxury Assets After Crumb Market Surges
A grocery-price analysis sends Lower Wombley’s biscuits into financial orbit, where they immediately demand better lighting.
Googlebook Review: Luxury Laptops Combine Two Operating Systems’ Worst Habits
New premium Googlebooks promise seamless ChromeOS and Android integration, provided users enjoy paying twice to troubleshoot once.
Squirrels Launch Emergency Currency After Acorn Prices Enter ‘Ludicrous’ Territory
Lower Wombley’s urban squirrels have introduced a nut-backed currency, despite having no banks, pockets or understanding of inflation.
Burnham Declares War On The Parking Ticket Empire
New rules let drivers challenge private charges, prompting a heroic campaign against the nation’s most vindictive machines.