Driving Test Queue Declares Independence After Waiting Time Falls To 19.7 Weeks
Officials hailed a historic improvement before the queue formed a government, appointed a minister and demanded its own parking space.
LOWER WOMBLEY, Officials have celebrated practical driving-test waits falling below 20 weeks for the first time since November 2024. Learners have been advised to stay calm until the queue has finished celebrating.
The average wait in September was 19.7 weeks. The Ministry of Mildly Encouraging Numbers called it “a decisive victory over the previous average, which was apparently 20 weeks or more”. Learners marked the occasion with a cautious half-smile, then checked whether the figure applied to them personally. It did not seem wise to assume.
Within hours, the national waiting list had reportedly developed a central nervous system and applied to become a self-governing territory. Its provisional constitution promises every learner a cup of vending-machine coffee, two contradictory emails and the right to forget why they booked the test in the first place.
“We are simply asking learners to remain available for the foreseeable future.”
“We have been standing still for so long that movement now feels politically sensitive,” said Pruella Nib, deputy convenor of the Queue’s Committee for Sequential Waiting. “Our immediate priorities are recognition, a flag and somewhere to put the cones.”
The flag is a red triangle on a beige field, for danger and administrative beige. The queue also wants “just five more months” recognised as its national anthem. Talks have stalled over whether it should be sung before or after a candidate’s provisional licence expires.
A learner, Martin Peebles, was told his test might arrive “any day now”. He installed a small bell beside the front door and designated the hallway an arrivals office. Since then, he has received three letters for another Martin Peebles, one reminder to bring a vehicle, and a polite note from his own car saying it needs time to process the relationship.
Officials say the reduction is real and measurable. It should not be confused with the separate wait for a date when the learner, examiner, vehicle, weather and national mood are all free at once. That queue lives in a converted cupboard, according to people familiar with the cupboard, and declined to comment.
When the average reached 19.7 weeks, the queue issued a final statement from inside a filing cabinet: “We are not angry. We are simply asking learners to remain available for the foreseeable future.” It then moved forward by one place and demanded a parking permit.