Loose Horses And Donkey Halt Texas Traffic For Emergency Rodeo
Two horses and a donkey wandering near Interstate 35 were secured, then reportedly demanded hazard pay and a smaller roundabout.
SAN ANTONIO, Morning traffic slowed beside Interstate 35 after two loose horses and a donkey wandered near moving cars. Several motorists described an impromptu roadside rodeo, with no rules anyone could identify and one thoroughly unimpressed audience.
Deputies secured the animals and returned them to their owner, which brought the real part of the incident to a calm, responsible end. The donkey promptly appealed, arguing that a return without a closing ceremony was an administrative failure of historic proportions.
According to the newly formed Interstate Hoofworkers Local 35, the three animals had “temporarily relocated their workplace” rather than escaped. They were protesting the quality of roadside grass. The union secretary, a chestnut horse named Marbles, would not say whether the protest had been planned because, he said, the minutes were being eaten.
“The cone has been ignored for too long and now represents orange opinion.”
The donkey, known to his colleagues only as Deputy Chair Clatterbuck, refused to move until the highway provided an equestrian loading zone, a Texas-shaped water trough and a sign for the lane reserved for dramatic sighing. A traffic cone nearby backed the proposal. It said it had spent years being “treated as a disposable orange opinion.”
Cars kept crawling past. The Department of Roadside Equine Affairs sent its senior emergency bridle negotiator, Lyle P. Tumblegrass, carrying a clipboard, three sugar cubes and a stamp marked TEMPORARILY HORSE-RELATED. Tumblegrass said the talks became difficult when the donkey demanded that every official form be completed in hoofprint.
The matter ended peacefully after the highway developed a brief sense of responsibility and reduced its speed limit to “please, everyone, breathe.” The asphalt also apologised to a nearby puddle for making it feel reflective under the headlights. No injuries were reported. One exit sign was reportedly emotionally exhausted from pointing in two directions at once.
By lunchtime, the union had dissolved after members discovered its constitution was written on a carrot. The horses and donkey were back with their owner, and commuters returned to ordinary human speed. A man standing nearby called the episode educational, especially the part where the donkey appeared to chair a meeting without reading the agenda.