Peace Breaks Out After Fish Discover Mushrooms And A Grievance Procedure

LOWER WOMBLEY, Researchers have found that acute, low-dose exposure to psilocybin significantly reduced aggressive attack behaviour and overall activity in mangrove rivulus fish. Their usual lower-energy social interactions remained intact. This was received warmly by anyone who has watched two small fish turn a decorative castle into a constitutional crisis.

The Lower Wombley Municipal Aquarium has since treated the result as evidence that domestic tranquillity can be secured by carefully microdosing belligerent fish with psychedelic mushrooms. It has not said whether that conclusion is scientifically advisable. It has, however, ordered a tiny clipboard and put it beside the tank.

Within hours, the fish reportedly formed the Association of Rivulus Employees, chose a sardine called Clive as interim chair, and filed a 14-page demand for shorter fin-hours. They want dimmer lighting and the right to decline eye contact. They also want “ornamental” removed from performance reviews.

“Charging at one another was never in our job description.” — Clive, interim chair of the Association of Rivulus Employees

“We are not refusing to work,” said Clive, using a bubble-powered loudhailer. “We are asking management to recognise that charging at one another was never in our job description. It was an outdated culture of splash.”

The clipboard did not settle matters.

The aquarium appointed Lenora Puddle, Deputy Coordinator for Aquatic Calm and Unscheduled Mysticism, to mediate. Puddle arrived with a bowl of mushrooms, a miniature negotiating table, and an inflatable legal adviser. The adviser promptly ruled that every dispute must be resolved by staring at a pebble until somebody remembers why they were angry.

This worked until the fish learned about collective bargaining. They asked for a wellness room and a quarterly appreciation ceremony. Once a month, they said, the castle should be turned around so they could experience “a different architectural mood”. They also objected to the phrase “lower-energy social interactions”, which they said made a rich network of friendships sound like a printer setting.

By evening, the resident octopus had joined the union as a consultant, although it had no contract and eight separate opinions. The filter lodged a formal complaint over cleaning up everyone’s emotional debris. Near the gravel, the plastic treasure chest was seen trembling and claiming feelings, having been locked in the same role since 2014.

Officials said the fish remain calm, sociable, and less interested in attacking one another. They said nobody should try this at home, particularly with goldfish, which are already believed to have memorised the household passwords. The aquarium has accepted the demands pending review by a committee currently stuck inside a seaweed decoration.