Queue At Public Office Moves Backward, Arrives Before Applicants
Residents in Lower Wombley spent six hours waiting to join a line that had already issued them a ticket for leaving it.
LOWER WOMBLEY, A queue at the Office of Temporary Permanent Addresses began moving backwards on Tuesday. Residents were left waiting for numbers they had apparently received before entering the building. By lunchtime, the line ran across the pavement and car park, then, according to a notice, into “the brief historical period before queues were invented.”
The office was handling applications for permits to stand in queues, now required under the town’s Queue Compliance Ordinance. Applicants had to join the permit queue, leave it, then join another queue for permission to leave the first one. Both lines were, officials confirmed, the same line facing different directions.
Mira Quill, deputy registrar of queue curvature, said the arrangement was operating exactly as intended. “We have reduced waiting times by making every moment count as both before and after your turn,” she said, stamping a form submitted next Thursday.
“I have been served three times, but each service took place in the future.”
Otho Crumb, first in line, said he arrived at dawn and was now waiting behind himself. “I have been served three times, but each service took place in the future,” Crumb said. “The clerk keeps congratulating me on my patience, which feels premature.”
At 2:14 p.m., the queue split briefly into two. One was for people carrying the correct paperwork. The other was for people who had correctly brought the wrong paperwork. The second was declared faster because it was travelling vertically through the ceiling.
The office’s senior waiting-room coordinator, Juno Pelt, said a small committee had investigated the movement. It found that the queue was stationary and the building had been rotating around it. The committee recommended revolving doors at both ends, then advised applicants to remain still until they reached their destination.
By closing time, every resident had received a certificate confirming they were either next, previously next or legally exempt from being next. The office posted one final notice: return on Wednesday, when the queue would be replaced by a single enormous appointment that nobody would be allowed to attend.