Town Hall Unveils First Municipal Budget For Money That Hasn't Been Invented Yet
By Morgan Ledger: Lower Wombley officials say the town's new revenue stream is payable in imaginary coins and administrative patience.
LOWER WOMBLEY, Town hall has started taxing the future after passing a budget made entirely from money nobody has invented. Officials say this will pay for immediate improvements without the administrative inconvenience of having funds.
Residents will receive invoices in provisional pennies, which the Department of Municipal Arithmetic describes as “worth approximately one sensible sigh.” Cash payments are accepted, once the cash has been converted into a receipt confirming that it used to exist.
The revenue office now occupies a corridor beside the town hall broom cupboard. Revenue Forecasting Clerk Pippa Quindle has put up three clocks: one gives the current time, one gives the estimated payment time, and the last counts down to a fiscal year the council has not asked the calendar for yet.
“We are asking tomorrow to leave a little money on the doorstep.”
“We are not borrowing from tomorrow,” said Quindle, whose invented job title is Senior Coordinator for Unspent Potential. “We are simply asking tomorrow to leave a little money on the doorstep and not mention it to anyone.” The doorstep is theoretical too. It will receive its own invoice.
People who object are sent to the Office of Clarifying Questions. Its 46-page form asks whether they dispute the money, the future, or municipal doorsteps as a concept. Return it before the council decides whether you have a financial concern or simply a calendar-based attitude.
The scheme has already created its first surplus, according to a preliminary spreadsheet printed on transparent paper. It cannot be counted yet. Two authorised witnesses must see it first, including one who is unavailable and another who has lost the witness authorisation form in a drawer budgeted for replacement in 2043.
Officials say the plan will eventually pay for new benches. They will be made from unspent intentions and fitted in a park due to open after the town finishes deciding where parks are permitted. Until then, residents should keep their invoices somewhere safe, preferably in a filing cabinet that has not yet been approved.