Morgan Ledger
Morgan explains the economy in plain English, then explains the plain English, then needs a lie down.
Microsoft Prepares To Save Gaming By Pricing Console Like A Used Car
Project Helix is reportedly headed for 2028 with a $1,200 to $1,800 price range, giving gamers a new way to finance despair.
Squirrels Launch Emergency Currency After Acorn Prices Enter ‘Ludicrous’ Territory
Lower Wombley’s urban squirrels have introduced a nut-backed currency, despite having no banks, pockets or understanding of inflation.
Cashless Citizens Briefly Rediscover The Ancient Art Of Having Cash
A Revolut service disruption left app, card, transfer and withdrawal users confronting the shocking possibility that money may need to exist somewhere.
British Steelmakers Identify Quarterly Electric Bill As Their Main Global Rival
The latest price comparison has left the industry wondering whether its most formidable competitor is a furnace, a foreign rival, or a very large invoice.
Vogue Publisher Celebrates Remaining Financially Visible
Condé Nast’s UK arm reports a 36% profit drop, prompting a national celebration of still being technically solvent.
Rolls-Royce Expansion Delayed By Customer Request For More Feathers
Rising demand for bespoke luxury cars has reportedly reached the stage where pets require their own portrait studios and tailors.
Ofgem Considers Punishing Energy Suppliers For Making Energy Cheaper
A proposed charge could make power companies compensate rivals whenever customers are tempted by a bargain and wholesale prices later fall.
Lower Wombley Sports Club Floats £4 Million After Selling Rights To Its Shadow
The club says its newly monetised shadow is already worth more than the team, the pitch and several perfectly ordinary buildings.
Thames Water Seeks £2.4bn To Stay Afloat Long Enough To Seek More
The utility says extra cash would prevent it running out of money before a longer-term debt deal, giving everyone valuable time to request another deal.
Town Hall Unveils First Municipal Budget For Money That Hasn't Been Invented Yet
By Morgan Ledger: Lower Wombley officials say the town's new revenue stream is payable in imaginary coins and administrative patience.
UK Economy Grows 0.1%, Immediately Applies For Superpower Status
Ministers celebrate a microscopic expansion by unveiling plans to measure prosperity in increasingly optimistic fractions.
Lower Wombley Fridges Begin Issuing Tiny Mortgages To Their Owners
Households are being advised to check the interest rate before placing leftovers on the top shelf.
AI Share Crash Could Topple Markets Built on Mediocre Emails, IMF Warns
Investors who poured fortunes into artificial intelligence are now discovering that spreadsheets can also panic.
Investor Pays Record $14m for 1998 Jordan Jersey to Own Vintage Sweat
Financial analysts confirm that fourteen million dollars represents excellent value for several grams of dried 1998 championship electrolytes trapped in red mesh.
Debt Advisers Successfully Eradicate Small Debts by Invoicing Clients for Even Larger Sums
Firms defend steep charges after regulators warn borrowers that replacing a modest credit balance with a five-figure consultation invoice does not count as relief.
Prediction Market Hires Ex-FBI Agent To Ensure People Only Gamble Clean Money On The News
A new oversight committee has been formed to protect the noble and highly dignified art of treating the daily news cycle like a giant casino.
Treasury Shocked That Giving Six Billion Pounds To Banks Leaves Less Money
Officials are reeling from the unexpected phenomenon wherein subtracting a massive number from a finite budget results in a much smaller remaining total.
Sportswear Giant Sues Shop Over Unlicensed Use Of A Fourth Stripe
Lawyers argue that four parallel lines is just three parallel lines hiding behind a decoy, demanding immediate destruction of the offending cushions.
Corporate Lawyers Attempt To Patent The Number Four In Escalating Stripe Dispute
Citizens advised to avoid wearing plaid, corduroy, or garments featuring visible geometry until the legal ownership of basic counting is fully resolved in court.
AI Firm Scraps IPO After Supercomputer Fails To Understand Why Stock Market Exists
The neural network spent three weeks trying to calculate the mathematical weight of investor sentiment before deliberately unplugging itself.
Russian Bureaucracy Gains Sentience During 400-Page Search For One Competent Manager
Authorities have launched a nationwide initiative to find a single administrator capable of turning the entire periodic table of elements into a functioning economy.
O2 Pays £200m To Keep London Venue’s Identity Crisis Going
A decade-long naming-rights extension will ensure the building remains recognisable, provided nobody asks what it is called next.
Nation Breathes Sigh Of Relief As House Prices Plateau At Completely Unaffordable
High mortgage rates have successfully prevented first-time buyers from accidentally making a purchase, preserving the traditional British values of renting forever.
Estate Sales Become Active Warzones Following $1.3 Million Painting Discovery
Weekend bargain hunters are deploying tactical appraisal units to suburban lawns in the desperate hope of finding a priceless masterpiece hidden inside a dirty toaster.