JustWatch Launches A Streaming Service To Solve The Streaming Service Problem
The streaming guide has responded to platform overload by adding another platform, with ads, rentals and a subscription for people seeking peace.
Microsoft Prepares To Save Gaming By Pricing Console Like A Used Car
Project Helix is reportedly headed for 2028 with a $1,200 to $1,800 price range, giving gamers a new way to finance despair.
EU Reaches Organic Agreement After Only 47,000 Pages Of Vegetable Negotiations
Parliament and Council agree on updated organic rules, prompting Brussels to prepare a ceremonial cucumber of unprecedented legal importance.
Googlebook Review: Luxury Laptops Combine Two Operating Systems’ Worst Habits
New premium Googlebooks promise seamless ChromeOS and Android integration, provided users enjoy paying twice to troubleshoot once.
Burnham Declares War On The Parking Ticket Empire
New rules let drivers challenge private charges, prompting a heroic campaign against the nation’s most vindictive machines.
Cashless Citizens Briefly Rediscover The Ancient Art Of Having Cash
A Revolut service disruption left app, card, transfer and withdrawal users confronting the shocking possibility that money may need to exist somewhere.
EU Drafts Harmonised Procedure For Going Home From Remote Work
Ministers weighing modern workplace rules may soon decide whether closing a laptop counts as leaving the office.
Japan Launches Deep-Space Gravel Run To Mars’s Moon
The historic mission will travel millions of miles to collect samples from Phobos, because apparently Earth has run out of rocks.
EU Celebrates Water Dialogue By Signing Declaration That Water Has Been Consulted
A formal Leuven ceremony marked progress in discussing water, prompting officials to consider whether every raindrop now requires a stakeholder meeting.
Rain Delays Cricket, Prompts Five-Day Celebration Of Watching Weather
Players remain ready as ground staff inspect the wet outfield and spectators discover that radar has a surprisingly strong defensive technique.
Election Officials Ask Public to Wait While Democracy Completes Its Warm-Up
Some midterm races may take time to resolve, as counting advances at a speed best measured by geology.
Bus Passengers Told To Prove Their Tinny Music Is An Intentional DJ Set
Proposed £100 fines for loud phone music on buses could force commuters to submit playlists, stage names and a convincing bass drop.
Britain Wins Freedom To Watch Geopolitical Crises From A Comfortable Distance
A new thinktank paper says Britain may need to rejoin the EU, prompting ministers to defend the nation's sovereign right to do nothing alone.
British Steelmakers Identify Quarterly Electric Bill As Their Main Global Rival
The latest price comparison has left the industry wondering whether its most formidable competitor is a furnace, a foreign rival, or a very large invoice.
Britain’s AI Revolution Halted After Essex Discovers It Has No Spare Socket
Microsoft has withdrawn from Nscale’s planned Essex AI datacentre after power supply concerns exposed a nation-wide shortage of places to plug things in.
Wembley Crowd Completes Four-Hour Ritual Of Pretending To Understand Football
British fans attended Texans v Jaguars at Wembley, bravely treating every unexplained whistle as part of the cultural exchange.
Vogue Publisher Celebrates Remaining Financially Visible
Condé Nast’s UK arm reports a 36% profit drop, prompting a national celebration of still being technically solvent.
Japan Announces First Martian Moon Expedition, Potato To Be Assessed
A Japanese probe will collect Phobos soil, allowing experts to describe a small, lumpy rock as an extreme destination.
Government Prepares Public For Joy Of Paying More For Less
As the 28 October Budget approaches, ministers reportedly hope voters will mistake reduced services for a premium tax experience.
Ombudsman Wins Champion Stakes After Thorough Investigation Into Being First
The Ascot winner delivered a three-and-three-quarter-length verdict, pending an audit of whether the finish was procedurally satisfactory.
Rolls-Royce Expansion Delayed By Customer Request For More Feathers
Rising demand for bespoke luxury cars has reportedly reached the stage where pets require their own portrait studios and tailors.
Older Apprentices Hit With Luxury Training Surcharge
Ministers hope a 25% penalty on training over-25s will make youth apprenticeships look like the only affordable option.
Honeybees Declare Every Flower A Private Members’ Club
A study found honeybees pushing aside wild pollinators, prompting an entirely imaginary floral security crackdown.
Not Cool: Elite Hackers Turn French Freezers Into Slow Cookers
A cyber-attack raised refrigeration temperatures across hundreds of French supermarkets, prompting fears that the age of covert sous vide has arrived.