Hendrik Annex
Hendrik has covered the European institutions for so long that he now speaks exclusively in recitals. He is currently awaiting a delegated act to clarify his own job description.
EU Reaches Organic Agreement After Only 47,000 Pages Of Vegetable Negotiations
Parliament and Council agree on updated organic rules, prompting Brussels to prepare a ceremonial cucumber of unprecedented legal importance.
EU Drafts Harmonised Procedure For Going Home From Remote Work
Ministers weighing modern workplace rules may soon decide whether closing a laptop counts as leaving the office.
EU Celebrates Water Dialogue By Signing Declaration That Water Has Been Consulted
A formal Leuven ceremony marked progress in discussing water, prompting officials to consider whether every raindrop now requires a stakeholder meeting.
France And Germany Ask Europe To Define 'Made In Europe' Before It Gets Complicated
The two countries want separate electric-car rules, raising the prospect of a continent-wide argument over where a dashboard becomes European.
EU Awards Prizes For Beauty After Extensive Administrative Assessment Of Looking Nice
Thirteen projects have won New European Bauhaus prizes, proving beauty can survive a sufficiently detailed application form.
EU Celebrates Second Review Of Plan To Review Its Plan
Institutions reaffirm commitment to timely delivery after making steady progress on checking progress toward making progress.
Europe Adds New Skills Passport Page To Solve Problem Of Too Many Missing Pages
The EU’s plan to recognise qualifications across borders now faces its greatest challenge: deciding where to staple the extra proof of being useful.
EU Privacy Rules May Soon Require Smart Glasses To Announce Themselves
New guidance calls for lights and audio alerts, prompting fears that discreet recording may become impossible to miss.
Brussels Hopes AI Can Finally Explain Brussels’ Paperwork
After years of adding forms, Europe has discovered a bold new administrative shortcut: asking a machine to fill them in while everyone watches.
EU Summit Left with Unused Ring Lights After Member States Fail to Find Single Influencer
A major European Council initiative to explain summit conclusions through dance trends collapsed after 27 countries failed to nominate anyone with a smartphone.
Rival Airlines Claim Ryanair Ownership Fails Strict European Ennui Quotas
A legacy airline lobby group has filed a challenge suggesting the budget carrier lacks the necessary cultural appreciation for bureaucracy to operate in the EU.
New EU Kids Act Requires Pac-Man To Eat Five Vegetables A Day
Independent developers say proposed digital safety regulations will force them to wrap retro arcade games in bubble wrap and hire singing badgers.
Survey released on World Ecolabel Day proves citizens deeply revere official EU stickers
The Eurobarometer poll confirmed that a tiny flower logo provides shoppers with a profound sense of administrative comfort.
EU Assures New Members 15-Year Probationary Cage Does Not Constitute A Second Tier
Officials insist that keeping future member states strapped to the union's roof rack for 15 years is a core part of a completely equal partnership.
EU Counters American AI Investment With Sentient 70,000 Page Compliance Framework
While Silicon Valley invests billions in technology, Brussels unveils a regulatory document so dense it has begun demanding its own impact assessments.
Europe's Flagship AI Datacenter Operates Inside Sleepy Suburban Train Station
The multi-billion-euro array of processors is cooled by the morning draught and strictly adheres to municipal lunch breaks.
Brussels Rejoices As European AI Achieves Triumphant 15% On Legal Test
The score, which would be a failing grade anywhere else, is being hailed as a total victory for the continent's complex regulatory environment.
EU Directive Puts A Shower Inspector Behind Every Holiday Rental Curtain, Caps Air Con At 22 Degrees
A sweeping new legislative package will mandate mild atmospheric suffering, stringent hygiene schedules and punitive glitter across the continent.