Black Holes Find a Loophole That Lets Them Split in Two
A theoretical study suggests rapid rotation or extra dimensions might let one black hole become two, prompting the cosmos to review its terms and conditions.
LOWER WOMBLEY, Scientists have found what appears to be the universe’s first administrative loophole. Under sufficiently extreme conditions, one black hole can divide into two. A theoretical study says rapid rotation or extra spatial dimensions are enough to turn the cosmos’s most final-sounding object into a customer-services matter.
Usually, black holes remain firmly black holes. The equations, though, seem to leave a narrow exit route if the object spins fast enough, or if the universe has been keeping extra directions behind a cupboard.
Dr. Pat Hypothesis, the newspaper’s cosmic compliance columnist, called it “a major breakthrough for anyone who has ever been told the rules are non-negotiable.” Other fundamental laws may now seek exemptions on grounds of unusual geometry, he said.
“A major breakthrough for anyone told the rules are non-negotiable.”
Mervin Quill, deputy director of the Office of Unreasonable Geometry, said astrophysics had reached “the appealing stage of regulation where every prohibition is followed by a footnote.” His office has prepared a 900-page application for objects wishing to become two objects. The form is currently collapsing into a singularity.
There are limits. An ordinary black hole cannot split itself during a quiet afternoon. It needs rapid rotation and extra dimensions to do most of the work, leaving the average celestial object with its usual choices: bend space-time and decline to explain its finances.
A spokesperson for the Committee on Cosmic Administrative Matters spoke from inside a filing cabinet and said officials were “taking the split very seriously, provided both halves sign the same form.” The committee has yet to decide whether the resulting objects are siblings, subsidiaries, or one black hole with an unusually aggressive filing strategy.
For now, the proposal remains theoretical. The universe has not been caught dividing black holes in public. Scientists have merely established that it contains the kind of fine print that lets physicists point at a fundamental law and ask whether anyone checked the back page.