Science (Allegedly)
Peer-reviewed by peers who did not review it.
Insect Housing Crisis Worsens As Wasps Buy Up Affordable Ant Starter Homes
Predatory property developers are flipping traditional hollow plant structures and pricing local ant colonies out of the canopy market.
Realtors List Newly Discovered Lunar Cave As Luxury Subterranean Loft
Early buyers are reportedly thrilled by the rustic basalt finishes and the complete lack of a breathable atmosphere in their new space.
Scientists Confirm Mondays Are 14% Longer Than Other Days
The study, which took several Mondays to complete, found the extra time is “mostly spent in the morning.”
Water Faces Existential Threat As Diet Drinks Prove Equally Good At Not Making Us Fat
After four billion years of resting on its laurels, the prehistoric beverage finally faces a serious competitor in the weight loss market.
Scientists Hoard Spare Hypotheses As Global Paper Rationing Plunges Campuses Into Chaos
Desperate researchers are trading laboratory equipment for black market publication slots after a strict two-thought monthly limit was imposed on new discoveries.
Scientists Hoard Data In Cookie Tins As ArXiv Rationing Takes Hold
Desperate researchers are watering down their hypotheses and turning to the black market after the preprint server capped monthly paper submissions.
Researchers Hoard Paper Allowances As arXiv Introduces Strict Submission Rationing
With the popular preprint server capping submissions at two per month, desperate scientists are turning to the black market to secure their crucial November uploads.
Identity Fraud Unmasked: The Stick Insect Who Conned Scientists
A routine taxonomy audit has exposed a giant Australian stick insect's thirty-year campaign of administrative deception, alias creation, and aggressive tax evasion.
Geophysics Proves I Am Not Late, The Earth Is Simply Slow
New research confirms the planet's rotation fluctuates, providing a flawless excuse for missing all morning meetings.
Sharks With 250-Foot Hearing Range Beg Beachgoers To Stop Talking About Mortgages
A new study confirms blacktip sharks can hear sounds from vast distances, and they are officially tired of your workplace drama.