Gary Opinions
Gary has covered things for eleven years and has opinions about all of them, most formed before the thing happened.
Mikel Arteta’s New Contract Grants Manager Absolute Veto Over North London Gravity
The Arsenal boss has extended his stay until 2030 with an agreement that officially classes the stadium plumbing and the official club dog as tactical assets.
New Windows Update Crams AI Into The Last Remaining Safe Space On Your Desktop
The latest operating system upgrade ensures you can never quietly right-click a folder again without first debating the philosophical merits of file compression.
Opinion: I Welcome Our Exhausted, Artificially Intelligent Parenting Overlords
A major message board denies replacing real parents with language models, but frankly the artificially generated advice on teething is fantastic.
Why I Am Now Seeking An Antivirus Program To Monitor My Antivirus Program
The FTC says my privacy protector was actually selling my data, forcing me to buy security software for my security software.
Unpopular opinion: working from home is a scam just as big as self-checkouts
The so-called convenience of remote work is just another way for the corporate machine to make me buy my own toilet paper and supply my own awkward silences.
The Tactical Genius Of Breaking A Goal Drought With A Backside Deflection
When your feet have forgotten how to play football, it is time to trust the pure, oblivious geometry of your own glutes to get you back on the scoresheet.
Review: The Jaguar Type 01 Is Less a Car and More a Territorial Dispute
Gary Opinions test drives the new 5.2-metre luxury EV that comes with no rear window and requires its own dedicated postcode just to parallel park.
Software Update Accidentally Converts Passive-Aggressive Emails Into Live Geese
Employees at a local logistics firm are currently using filing cabinets to defend against a flock of swans generated by the phrase 'friendly reminder'.
Marathon Cancelled After Runners Agree It Is “Quite Far”
Organizers will instead hold a 400-metre stroll with snacks at the halfway point.
Unsigned Stray Outperforms Both Nations In Masterclass Display Of High Pressing
The true tragedy of the Nations League fixture was that the only talent on the grass was led away by a steward.
I Have Not Read the Article, and Here Is What I Think About It
A column about reading, by someone who has strong feelings about not doing it.
Google Takes Metaphor Too Far By Putting The Cloud In The Actual Sky
Tech giant to launch Project Suncatcher AI satellite next week, forcing millions to look upwards to accept new terms and conditions.