Sam Sideways
Sam covers the stories that make you check the date. Sam has checked the date. It did not help.
Scrapple Sculptors Warn Breakfast Mush Itself Is Becoming Too Competitive
Artists at Philadelphia's annual scrapple contest discovered their raw material had formed a union and was demanding smaller spoons.
Googlebooks Arrive, Prompting Laptop Apps To Demand More Elbow Room
Premium Android laptops have entered the market, where one local keyboard is already negotiating for weekends and a larger cup holder.
Lower Wombley Pigeons Open Night School For Confused Streetlights
Residents say the city’s pigeons are teaching streetlights to blink in Morse code, despite neither species having exams on the calendar.
Brewers Reach World Series, Prompt Immediate Unionisation Of All Price Tags
Milwaukee’s 6-4 comeback inspired every object in baseball to demand representation, snacks and a strict no-sweeping policy.
Ancient Bell’s ‘Bong’ Confirmed After Supercomputers Consult the Bell Itself
Modal analysis suggests the Liberty Bell sounded like a bong, prompting an immediate inquiry into its emotional needs.
Automaker Unveils Plan To Save Money By Charging More For Cars
By Sam Sideways: A mid-engined concept sends the motor industry into an exciting new era of fewer vehicles and larger invoices.
Britain Passes Peak Sheep, Enters Uncharted Wool Territory
As sheep numbers and lamb consumption fall, the nation’s remaining flock has formed a committee to discuss what happens next.
Lower Wombley Festival Replaces Every Town Clock With A Yoghurt
Residents gather for the annual celebration of fermented timekeeping, despite nobody being able to explain what time now tastes like.
European Football Launches Search For Literally Anyone To Challenge Infantino
Officials say the hunt is progressing well, after three footballs, a stapler and an unusually determined pigeon entered the process.
Cannons Demand Union Recognition After First-Class Helicopter Joyride
Three corroded castle cannons have reportedly discovered workplace rights, luxury travel and an intense dislike of ordinary maintenance.
Hospitality Offers 100,000 Jobs, Mostly To People Who Can Carry Six Pints
A real youth employment scheme has been expanded into a bizarre national trial involving sentient menus, unionised bar stools and one extremely formal gravy boat.
Venus Missions Celebrate By Packing Their Own Melt-Proof Lunches
DAVINCI and VERITAS are back on track for the early 2030s, when their equipment will bravely encounter the planet’s famously hostile welcome.
Sea Vomit-Sniffing Dog Wins Animal Of The Year, Triggers Emergency Bureaucracy
Sgiath’s marine detective work has inspired a government department, three confused seals and one deeply emotional filing cabinet.
Loose Horses And Donkey Halt Texas Traffic For Emergency Rodeo
Two horses and a donkey wandering near Interstate 35 were secured, then reportedly demanded hazard pay and a smaller roundabout.
Lower Wombley Issues Permit For Its Own Puddles
Officials say every puddle must now be measured, numbered and approved before it is allowed to remain damp.
AI Job Applicants And Corporate Bots Enter Cautious War Of Paperwork
A real recruitment problem has escalated into a fictional labour dispute involving sentient CVs, hostile algorithms and one furious spreadsheet.
Regulators Discover Sofa Cannot Be 70% Off Forever
A £6m penalty has prompted the nation's imaginary price tags to demand recognition as sentient financial participants.
London Cat’s Dinner Raid Triggers International Feline Labour Dispute
A cat ate a dog’s dinner on camera, then apparently caused every household object in Britain to demand a lunch break.
Language Learners Urged To Replace Meaning With Vigorous Honking
A study linking precise hearing with better pronunciation has prompted Lower Wombley to declare war on understandable speech.
Bumble Bought For $1.3bn, Prompting Humanity To Form A Queue
The dating app’s acquisition has been hailed as a rescue mission by an emergency committee of lonely office furniture.
Utah Highway Briefly Becomes World’s Largest French-Fry Restaurant
A burning trailer turns an interstate shoulder into an emergency fry-up, prompting potatoes to demand better working conditions.
Bills Discover Overtime Is Legally Allowed To End In Their Favour
After Buffalo’s 37-34 overtime win, a government office has finally explained the rules to everyone, including overtime itself.
Household Appliances Form Choir After Fridge Discovers Its Inner Falsetto
A toaster, three lamps and a deeply moved vacuum cleaner have joined forces to sing one note about being plugged in.
Delayed Train Celebrates Becoming Patriotic Public Property
Passengers welcome public ownership of rail services, while their train forms a union and applies for indefinite leave to remain at Platform 4.