I Asked My Home Devices To Think For Themselves. They Formed A Parliament
A personal account of the week my household technology developed policies, factions and a surprisingly strong view on toast.
Lower Wombley Pigeons Open Night School For Confused Streetlights
Residents say the city’s pigeons are teaching streetlights to blink in Morse code, despite neither species having exams on the calendar.
Unpopular opinion: Travel pillows should be banned
I have endured enough inflatable neck loops, and I am ready to say what every upright passenger is secretly thinking.
Lower Wombley Sports Club Floats £4 Million After Selling Rights To Its Shadow
The club says its newly monetised shadow is already worth more than the team, the pitch and several perfectly ordinary buildings.
My Theory: The Moon Is Just Auditing Our Pockets
After years of observation, I have concluded that nocturnal light is a government-grade inspection of everything we carry.
Lower Wombley Festival Replaces Every Town Clock With A Yoghurt
Residents gather for the annual celebration of fermented timekeeping, despite nobody being able to explain what time now tastes like.
Town Hall Unveils First Municipal Budget For Money That Hasn't Been Invented Yet
By Morgan Ledger: Lower Wombley officials say the town's new revenue stream is payable in imaginary coins and administrative patience.
Lower Wombley Queue Declared Official Sporting Event After 11-Hour Warm-Up
Applicants seeking queue licences have accidentally qualified for the town’s inaugural competitive waiting final.
My Neighbours Have Declared War On Ordinary Doorbells
A personal account of the street's latest attempt to replace polite greetings with a fully regulated system of ceremonial foghorns.
Lower Wombley University Recruits Its First Competitive Cloud
The newly formed athletics department says its weather-based squad has already secured a promising breeze and a deeply confusing mascot.
Lower Wombley Issues Permit For Its Own Puddles
Officials say every puddle must now be measured, numbered and approved before it is allowed to remain damp.
Unpopular opinion: Escape Rooms Are a Scam as Big as a Door With No Handle
Gary Opinions argues that escape rooms are just expensive cupboards where clocks go to bully decent people.
Lower Wombley Fridges Begin Issuing Tiny Mortgages To Their Owners
Households are being advised to check the interest rate before placing leftovers on the top shelf.
Office Workers Win Promotion By Defeating A Sentient Spreadsheet
Lower Wombley’s new cubicle sport has turned quarterly reviews into a contest involving helmets, foam arrows and one unusually athletic filing cabinet.
My Theory: Spoons Are Quietly Running The Weather
After years of observation, I have concluded that teaspoons control local weather by rearranging themselves whenever nobody is looking.
Household Appliances Form Choir After Fridge Discovers Its Inner Falsetto
A toaster, three lamps and a deeply moved vacuum cleaner have joined forces to sing one note about being plugged in.
Delayed Train Declared A National Treasure After Refusing To Leave Platform
Passengers welcomed their indefinitely delayed service as patriotic public property, despite it having no timetable, destination or visible driver.
Every Honest Sandwich Must Be Eaten From The Center Outward
Attacking a lunch by its outer crust is the behavior of cowards and border skirmishers who fear the truth of mustard.
Municipal Office Queue Develops Own Gravitational Field, Trapping Tea Trolley in Orbit
Council officials urge visitors to anchor their clipboards after a frozen line for document stamps begins exerting planetary pull on surrounding office furniture.
Unpopular opinion: Smartwatches Are a Scam as Big as the Motorised Toast Rack
Strapping a temperamental miniature television to your sleeve just to be insulted by an animated envelope is an affront to the history of pendulums.
Local Tug-Of-War Club Accidentally Drags Neighbouring Parish Four Hundred Yards West
Emergency border talks opened after a contested weekend heave wedged a village duck pond into a municipal car park.
Supermarket AI Trolleys Form Grazing Herds and Refuse to Visit the Bakery
Gary Opinions visits the local hypermarket only to find that autonomous smart trolleys have developed herd mentality and rejected his tweed jacket.
Weather Stalls at 84% After Tech Council Pushes Firmware Update to the Sky
Residents of Lower Wombley have been advised not to turn off their clouds while municipal engineers attempt to reboot a frozen afternoon drizzle.
If My Neighbours Must Siphon the Street's Gravity, They Could at Least Warn the Postman
There is suburban boundary friction, and then there is having your morning toast drift toward the ceiling because Number 4 wanted denser hydrangeas.