AFL Considers Rule Change After Illegal Move Turns Out To Be Too Exciting
The league is weighing a Gaelic football-style solo, apparently after discovering that breaking the rule was more fun than enforcing it.
MELBOURNE, The AFL is considering a rule change in its women’s competition after an Irish player used a Gaelic football-style solo instead of bouncing the ball during a match. The move was illegal. It was also far more interesting than the approved alternative, leaving the sport with its oldest administrative problem: whether something stays forbidden once everyone admits they enjoyed it.
At present, players are meant to bounce the ball while running. A Gaelic solo involves dropping it onto the foot, kicking it back up and catching it again. The manoeuvre has crossed from Ireland into Australian football and is now hiding somewhere in the rulebook’s witness-protection programme.
Saira Muddle, senior assessor at the International Bureau for Things People Enjoy Watching, said the discovery had forced sporting authorities to revisit the relationship between entertainment and regulation. “If it’s illegal and exciting, we may have to legalise excitement itself,” she said, filing a form marked “joy, sudden”.
“If it is illegal and exciting, we may have to legalise excitement itself.”
That has created work for the people who write rules nobody wants to sign. A draft amendment would allow the solo if the player performs it with suitable humility, does not make bouncing look inadequate, and gives the nearest goal umpire a moment to consider the philosophical consequences. A footnote notes that innovation still requires ordinary paperwork.
The paperwork brought in a man who had been standing nearby. He called the proposal a dangerous precedent for every activity currently made dull by regulation. “Today it’s the solo,” he said. “Tomorrow someone will ask whether a corner kick could be taken with confidence.” He left before anyone could ask his name, occupation or position on interchange benches.
Others have taken a firmer line. The Society for the Preservation of Acceptable Boredom warned that the change would encourage elegant handballs. It also raised concerns about spontaneous feints, followed by the alarming sight of a player briefly appearing to know exactly what she was doing. Its submission arrived on a postcard showing a rulebook fainting beside a whistle.
For now, the solo remains illegal, despite its inconvenient popularity. The review panel will study the footage, then consult the relevant clauses and decide whether excitement can be introduced in a controlled manner, preferably between two scheduled administrative pauses. “We aren’t changing the rules for pleasure,” said the emergency biscuit tin in the procedural review room. “We are changing them because pleasure has submitted a very strong application.”